The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
