A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
