Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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