Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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