I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
