My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
