Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
