Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
