Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
