I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
