i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
