wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Be still, my beating vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
