I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
