WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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