This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
