I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
