he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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