ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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