Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize