That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
