idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The power of my boobs compel you
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
