I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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