I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
