So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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