Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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