absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
