dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
