Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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