i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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