what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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