I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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