I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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