Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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