Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
