i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
