Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
