My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
