Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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