i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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