Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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