you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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