the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
