Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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