Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
