i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize