He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
