girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
