Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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