Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
