More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
