Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
