all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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