Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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