apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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