that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize