it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
