he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
