bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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