Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
