so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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