dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The adults are the big ones right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
