I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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