mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
