I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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