How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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