Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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