I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can text with my tongue
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
where are my eyebrows?
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