the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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