I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
even my farts smell like vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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