Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
